Que Pasa Aqui?!
Dec. 14th, 2003 03:26 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
belltriggerIs it weird to suddenly cry when you're listening to Trust You Forever by Takahashi Hiro (wonderfully stolen by me to become one of Rin's image songs...)? Probably...
First, I'd like to apologize to everyone I've pissed off over the course of this year,and I know there's a lot of you. It's all entirely my fault - I'm fully aware that I am not perfect, and I am in the possession of MANY personal flaws. I am also thoroughly aware that, despite what I try, I will never be good enough for anyone. I have not forgotten these facts, despite popular opinion. In any case, don't forgive me. It's pointless to do so, because even if you forgive me, I won't forgive myself.
Secondly, I have begun work on my Christmas 'cards' today. I am expecting to make one for Trey-chan, Shama, N-chan, Hawk, and J-chan, each tailored to everyone's preferences. Everyone will get something different, because I know that some of you don't like characters that others do. And really, that just wouldn't be fair, ya know? Mind you, these will all be hand-drawn and computer-colored... so they make take a while. And also... I am not sure when I will give them out. I may give the pictures out when I have finished them, but I may just wait until closer to Christmas. I guess it all depends on how I can get in contact with the person I'm giving the picture to. Oh, but don't expect some great work of art - it should already be understood that while I will exert great deal more effort into these works than I usually do, my art work is sub-par to begin with...
Thirdly, my family has gotten our Christmas tree. It's still outside, but we've got it. My sister, brother, and mother were all almost shot by some illegal hunter prowling around the Christmas Tree farm to add onto the excitement. He even blatantly ignored the No Hunting signs posted on every other tree...
Fourthly, got my pictures developed FINALLY. The pictures include some of Trey-chan, some of Shama, quite a few of my cat, some of N-chan, and a bunch of my school... I will have to send some out to Trey-chan, along with her present which should have been delivered a long time ago. Another of my failings, I may point out.
Fifthly, I'm actually considering not going to Otakon. I've really been quite irritating to N-chan, I think, with my constantly asking if she can go or not. I feel really bad about the whole thing, since she'd be driving the whole way... I thought that offering to pay trip expenses would make it seem more fair, but it just doesn't really compensate, you know? At least I don't think so. Besides, I've never been to a convention, and feel really stupid about the whole thing. I hate being seen as a newbie in any sort of situation, and I don't think I can fake knowing what I'm doing, especially knowing as many experienced con-goers as I do.
Sixthly, emotions are very strange things. Like hate. I could honestly talk about hate for a very long time; after all, I've got so many people that hate me that it's not really funny... Hate is especially bad when it's behind the scenes. Outwardly, people seem to like you, but the observant person can just FEEL the distaste radiating off every word. However, it's troublesome, because the people who hate behind the scenes will never REALLY admit to hating you, unless they are truly pushed. Which, in turn, always makes the person being hated feel like... like the hate they feel coming from the other person is just really paranoia... Am I the only one that notices this sort of thing?
Okay, I apologize for that; a good portion of it was just my wallowing in self-pity... Unfounded, I know, because when it comes down to it, I've got it a lot nicer than many people I know. But hey, they're my emotions ^^;; In my journal, my emotions trump others... 'm sorry, but that's just the up and up in THIS journal. Thanks for listening to my sorry-ass whining ^^;
First, I'd like to apologize to everyone I've pissed off over the course of this year,and I know there's a lot of you. It's all entirely my fault - I'm fully aware that I am not perfect, and I am in the possession of MANY personal flaws. I am also thoroughly aware that, despite what I try, I will never be good enough for anyone. I have not forgotten these facts, despite popular opinion. In any case, don't forgive me. It's pointless to do so, because even if you forgive me, I won't forgive myself.
Secondly, I have begun work on my Christmas 'cards' today. I am expecting to make one for Trey-chan, Shama, N-chan, Hawk, and J-chan, each tailored to everyone's preferences. Everyone will get something different, because I know that some of you don't like characters that others do. And really, that just wouldn't be fair, ya know? Mind you, these will all be hand-drawn and computer-colored... so they make take a while. And also... I am not sure when I will give them out. I may give the pictures out when I have finished them, but I may just wait until closer to Christmas. I guess it all depends on how I can get in contact with the person I'm giving the picture to. Oh, but don't expect some great work of art - it should already be understood that while I will exert great deal more effort into these works than I usually do, my art work is sub-par to begin with...
Thirdly, my family has gotten our Christmas tree. It's still outside, but we've got it. My sister, brother, and mother were all almost shot by some illegal hunter prowling around the Christmas Tree farm to add onto the excitement. He even blatantly ignored the No Hunting signs posted on every other tree...
Fourthly, got my pictures developed FINALLY. The pictures include some of Trey-chan, some of Shama, quite a few of my cat, some of N-chan, and a bunch of my school... I will have to send some out to Trey-chan, along with her present which should have been delivered a long time ago. Another of my failings, I may point out.
Fifthly, I'm actually considering not going to Otakon. I've really been quite irritating to N-chan, I think, with my constantly asking if she can go or not. I feel really bad about the whole thing, since she'd be driving the whole way... I thought that offering to pay trip expenses would make it seem more fair, but it just doesn't really compensate, you know? At least I don't think so. Besides, I've never been to a convention, and feel really stupid about the whole thing. I hate being seen as a newbie in any sort of situation, and I don't think I can fake knowing what I'm doing, especially knowing as many experienced con-goers as I do.
Sixthly, emotions are very strange things. Like hate. I could honestly talk about hate for a very long time; after all, I've got so many people that hate me that it's not really funny... Hate is especially bad when it's behind the scenes. Outwardly, people seem to like you, but the observant person can just FEEL the distaste radiating off every word. However, it's troublesome, because the people who hate behind the scenes will never REALLY admit to hating you, unless they are truly pushed. Which, in turn, always makes the person being hated feel like... like the hate they feel coming from the other person is just really paranoia... Am I the only one that notices this sort of thing?
Okay, I apologize for that; a good portion of it was just my wallowing in self-pity... Unfounded, I know, because when it comes down to it, I've got it a lot nicer than many people I know. But hey, they're my emotions ^^;; In my journal, my emotions trump others... 'm sorry, but that's just the up and up in THIS journal. Thanks for listening to my sorry-ass whining ^^;
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no subject
Date: 2003-12-14 01:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-12-18 12:45 am (UTC):P Lol
no subject
Date: 2003-12-20 11:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-12-14 08:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-12-18 12:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-12-15 07:33 am (UTC)anyway. im sorry for not keeping you up to date on this issue...
(also, my manager Melissa might be going, and we might be able to tag along with her and her friends...they are cool, anime loving people, and she already offered to let me come with her a little while before you asked me if i could come with you)
*bows* i hope you're feeling better now.
no subject
Date: 2003-12-18 12:53 am (UTC)And I'm feeling better now, though completely and totally stressed from papers upon papers upon finals X_X;;;