belltrigger: (army Suoh-chan)
[personal profile] belltrigger
Oh the pain of artist's block.

I just can't get anything done. Herman's being very insistent, as you can imagine, to get something done, and I just. can't. do. it.

Granted, I want to create new characters, and not just draw a picture of an already made character... but...

MRF! I just don't think I have any creativity anymore >.<; Maybe my problem is that I'm 'creating' to appease people.

... you probably don't get what I mean.

What I means is that I'm not making characters *I* would like. Instead, I'm aiming for a group of characters that other people would be interested in. That's all I want: a group of characters that people would WANT to draw fanart for, write fanfiction for...

I don't like having to beg for fanart/fanfiction from people. It makes me feel bad, because then it feels like I'm just being pushy, and that I don't appreciate anything.

But then again, I've never made a character that I've had willing fan submissions for. Unless I've totally missed someone's intent, but I've always thought that people were just drawing my characters because either I asked for them, or just because, you know, the characters are somehow associated with me...

Stay with me on this... I'd rather have people not care about me, and instead really like my characters, than really care about me.

Many of you can't tell, I guess, but I do not like myself, even in the slightest. I find myself to be quite useless, and actually a burden on others. I can't really DO anything. I can't add anything that can't just be added by someone else. I have no input in society...

Which is probably why I live!roleplay all the time. The way I see it, why be myself (who is boring and lacking good use) when I can be characters who have so many friends, and get exciting lives, and have SKILLS?! There's really no comparison, actually.

Now... if only I could actually roleplay on par with my friends... I'm really quite bad at that. My execution is ALL wrong. Ugh. I'll have great plans for a scene, but because I just can't follow through, it ends up being totally awful, and lacking the impact that I had wished.

Yes. I know I'm complaining. Yes. I know I'm probably not being realistic. Yes. I know I've probably got SOME use, and maybe I just haven't found it yet. But all that's not important.

What's important is that I just don't SEE THAT.

So. Since I have a bit of time until class, I'm probably going to be poking and prodding at 'writing' and maybe I'll just end up spamming any friend's list I'm on. But, please, try to bear with me.
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