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belltriggeryes, yes, I realize no one knew the characters in that last thing I wrote. I only wrote it to warm up so I was able to write something for my Adv. Creative Writing class (which didn't work, in case you were curious) I contemplated making it so the comment function was disabled, but then apparently Livejournal did it for me o.O; weird. I changed it back, for some reason...
Ah well, maybe I will start that disable comments thing. It's a relatively useless function, I think. I have nothing interesting to say anyway ^_^; I've gotten used to writing this as if I was just writing to an inanimate object ^_- (can you tell? )
Anyhoo. Please, feel free to ignore all of my useless babble. I'm just randomly saying things. After all, it's fun to procrastinate when you have to write something up for a class you totally despise.
>.o I remember why I didn't miss being on the computer that much (I missed the people online. Didn't miss the actual BEING online thing) The internet is really damaging to my self-worth ^^; I mean, I just browse through things and see so many artists that are way better than me, and have so many more page views than I'll ever have. People who have WAY better art than I do, and then complain how much their art sucks ^^;;
... So to avoid that, I go look at fanfics, and only manage to realize how much better so many other people write compared to me.
:/ I honestly wish I was someone... else. Someone with a discernable talent. Someone that people would go "Oh, she's the one who... " You know, someone well know for some talent. A Ruaki... A Kurot... But, alas, I'm not. Maybe it's because I don't try as hard as I could, nor as hard as they do.
I'll admit it. I'm very jealous of all those people who are talented; those people who can write stories that rivet readers; those people who write original fiction with characters that people like; those people who have SOMETHING that makes them stand out.
grargh. You'd think I'd be used to it by now, right? That I'd eventually just accept it.
But, unfortunately, it's getting to the point that I don't believe people when they compliment my stuff. It just doesn't feel... right. Like, anytime someone compliments my work (whatever format), I just feel like telling them "What are you doing praising MY work?! There are people out there way more deserving of your praise" >.<;
Very frustrating.
For another thing, is it wrong to be totally disatisfied with everything you do? To expect that people would rather do things with other people, rather than do them with you...? To feel that people are only doing things with you just because they feel sorry for you, or want to keep you from feeling left out?
Like, for instance, the Prince of Tennis rp I was in. I KNOW for a fact they wanted to kick me out, but then just today they sent me a very nice, cordial e-mail asking if I would like to continue with them in the new forum. I declined. And then tonight, I was messaged by the player of Yuuta. I had to tell them that I had declined and they seemed sad. But, I'm fairly certain that the moderators will have no problem finding a Mizuki that's suitable. Mrf. I KNOW I was not playing my characters right. I KNOW that the way I portrayed them was totally out of character.
Which is exactly the reason I prefer to role-play my own characters. Because I am notoriously awful at characterizations. Hell, half the time, I play my OWN characters wrong. But, in that case, I'm usually the only one that notices my atrocious roleplaying ability.
Hn. Maybe I'm just feeling overly sorry for myself. But whatever, it's not like I'm going to apologize for this. It's how I feel so deal with it. I'm not asking for sympathy.
I think I'm gonna do some Baofu fanart. Only because I like him more and more as I go through Persona 2: Batsu. But that requires finding pictures of him :D;;;
... in fact, maybe I'll just do a BUNCH of Persona 2 fanart. TONS OF IT!
Ah well, maybe I will start that disable comments thing. It's a relatively useless function, I think. I have nothing interesting to say anyway ^_^; I've gotten used to writing this as if I was just writing to an inanimate object ^_- (can you tell? )
Anyhoo. Please, feel free to ignore all of my useless babble. I'm just randomly saying things. After all, it's fun to procrastinate when you have to write something up for a class you totally despise.
>.o I remember why I didn't miss being on the computer that much (I missed the people online. Didn't miss the actual BEING online thing) The internet is really damaging to my self-worth ^^; I mean, I just browse through things and see so many artists that are way better than me, and have so many more page views than I'll ever have. People who have WAY better art than I do, and then complain how much their art sucks ^^;;
... So to avoid that, I go look at fanfics, and only manage to realize how much better so many other people write compared to me.
:/ I honestly wish I was someone... else. Someone with a discernable talent. Someone that people would go "Oh, she's the one who... " You know, someone well know for some talent. A Ruaki... A Kurot... But, alas, I'm not. Maybe it's because I don't try as hard as I could, nor as hard as they do.
I'll admit it. I'm very jealous of all those people who are talented; those people who can write stories that rivet readers; those people who write original fiction with characters that people like; those people who have SOMETHING that makes them stand out.
grargh. You'd think I'd be used to it by now, right? That I'd eventually just accept it.
But, unfortunately, it's getting to the point that I don't believe people when they compliment my stuff. It just doesn't feel... right. Like, anytime someone compliments my work (whatever format), I just feel like telling them "What are you doing praising MY work?! There are people out there way more deserving of your praise" >.<;
Very frustrating.
For another thing, is it wrong to be totally disatisfied with everything you do? To expect that people would rather do things with other people, rather than do them with you...? To feel that people are only doing things with you just because they feel sorry for you, or want to keep you from feeling left out?
Like, for instance, the Prince of Tennis rp I was in. I KNOW for a fact they wanted to kick me out, but then just today they sent me a very nice, cordial e-mail asking if I would like to continue with them in the new forum. I declined. And then tonight, I was messaged by the player of Yuuta. I had to tell them that I had declined and they seemed sad. But, I'm fairly certain that the moderators will have no problem finding a Mizuki that's suitable. Mrf. I KNOW I was not playing my characters right. I KNOW that the way I portrayed them was totally out of character.
Which is exactly the reason I prefer to role-play my own characters. Because I am notoriously awful at characterizations. Hell, half the time, I play my OWN characters wrong. But, in that case, I'm usually the only one that notices my atrocious roleplaying ability.
Hn. Maybe I'm just feeling overly sorry for myself. But whatever, it's not like I'm going to apologize for this. It's how I feel so deal with it. I'm not asking for sympathy.
I think I'm gonna do some Baofu fanart. Only because I like him more and more as I go through Persona 2: Batsu. But that requires finding pictures of him :D;;;
... in fact, maybe I'll just do a BUNCH of Persona 2 fanart. TONS OF IT!
