Dai Kirai

I hate my internet connection. I hate unreliable people. I hate people that get me into things that I can't get out of and then abandon me in the middle of it. I hate people who I don't see for years that just come back like they never left. I hate having something looming over me for weeks and there's nothing I can do about it. I hate that I can't use my mom's car even as a last resort in my test. I hate that I'm not as busy as anyone I know. I hate that I'm useless and pathetic. I hate that I'm not good enough at anything. I hate that my period waits until just the right moment when it will be the most inconvenient. I hate cramps, no matter how minor. I hate that I have gotten so bad at identifying seiyuu that I can't tell Rich's voice is Robin Hendrix in Petshop of Horrors. I hate that I'm still living in this house. I hate that my parents never help with anything. I hate that if my parents ever do help me with something, they hold it against me. I hate that only 'Tsuki no Uragawa' and 'Amore' make me feel better. I hate that I can't draw what I see in my mind. I hate that I'm too lazy to make a comic of something that I'm really fond of. I hate that I'm boring. I hate that I'm nauseated. I hate that anything I do is pointless. I hate that my generation has a different idea of fun than I do. I hate that I'm not enough like anyone else. I hate that I want to be like anyone else. I hate that everyone's asking me "What are you going to do for your 21st birthday?". I hate that I'm not going to do anything special for something that everyone else considers a big deal. I hate that ever since my siblings were born, I haven't done anything special for my birthdays. I hate that everyone else seems to like alcohol. I hate that I didn't get to go away to college. I hate that I wanted to go away for college. I hate that I'm not good enough for scholarships. I hate that I still live in New Jersey. I hate my friend's fiancee. I hate that she doesn't realize I hate her fiancee. I hate that she wants me to move in with her and her fiancee in the apartment/basement of her parent's house. I hate that I'm never going to amount to anything. I hate that too many people around here have stick-shifts. I hate that I'm a total fatalist. I hate that I didn't have anything cool ever happen to me. I hate that although I'm only 20, this is supposedly the peak of my life. I hate that everyone considers the 'college years' to be the best years of one's life. I hate that my college years suck. I hate that I have only a few friends. I hate that I'm angry. I hate that I even bother writing in this damn journal. I hate that I don't have a car for the test. I hate that I only know two people who passed the driving test the first time they took it. I hate that I never learned to play an instrument. I hate my family's obnoxious quirks. I hate that people always think that I was around when I wasn't. I hate that I'm a procrastinator. I hate that my hair is so... unmanageable. I hate that I'm beginning to envy Shishido's haircut. I hate that I can't think of the other things I hate.

END.