Posting... and hearing the echo...
Feb. 8th, 2004 06:56 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
belltriggerEh. Just an angsty lil Toriya and Atsushi blurb. It's useful for those of you who have NO FRIKKEN clue as to who Atsushi-san is :D;
Um, yeah, so it gives an insight to poor Toriya's bad mental health for a while there o.o; And I'd like to warn people, his strange behavior is brought about by the medication he was on. ._.; It makes him have strange mood swings and violent behavior... Ano... He's okay now, cause he was taken off it when the conversion into Hikaru was complete, but... ah well, just read, okay? :D Please? I'll give you a cookie~
The rain beat against the window pane, mercilessly blocking the view of the outside surroundings. It allied with fog and generally nasty winds making the day just all around miserable. The sunlight could barely be seen; not that one could tell it was daytime without relying upon a clock.
It was raining again, and Toriya hated it. He preferred sunny days, with a nice breeze. One where he could sit on the windowsill and think, or sleep, or work… or just be. Instead, the nasty weather had darkened his mood to the point where he didn’t want to think, or sleep, or work, or even be.
Because rainy days made him think of what he had lost: Rin. It had rained when Rin had left the compound. It had rained the night before he met Rin. Of course, it had been a bright sunny day with a breeze the day he had actually met Rin, but he had remembered feeling a strange, almost-foreboding feeling the day it rained before Rin’s arrival.
In any case, rainy days made him angry. Made him mopey, and just generally anti-social… again, something Rin was quite often --at least recently. Glaring at nothing in particular, he grabbed the closest thing and threw it, to release steam.
His coffee mug slammed against the door frame, shattering. He smiled, but it held anger and malice in it. Damn his strength. It was this strength that had hurt Rin so badly that one time. It was this strength that had caused harm to the one he loved more than anyone.
A curious head poked itself around the door as it opened, hesitance radiating in waves from the person entering. “Toriya?! Are you okay? I… heard a loud noise…” Toriya blinked and looked at the visitor.
“Ah, Atsushi-san… no. I..” He directed his attention to the shattered remnants of his coffee mug about the same time that Atsushi did. “I got mad, s’all..” He could feel embarrassment well up in him. He never liked worrying Atsushi-san, because he was the only one who cared about him now, and he didn’t want to drive Atsushi-san away, like he had driven everyone else away…
Atsushi looked up at him, and then sighed deeply, kneeling down to begin picking up the shattered pieces. Toriya, in turn, frowned, and walked over to his long-time friend, kneeling next to him. “I’m sorry, Atsushi-san. I don’t mean to worry you…”
Atsushi sighed again, and stopped picking up the pieces. He looked at his younger friend, and gave him a small smile. “I know, Toriya. There are a lot of things happening with you that you cannot control. I understand…”
Toriya narrowed his eyes, looking down at the pieces left on the floor, feeling the insane urge to kick the door frame just to see how big a dent he could make. How the HELL could Atsushi-san understand anything? He had none of Toriya’s pain. He knew nothing! Seething, Toriya reached down and picked a fragment up, closing his fist around it. He hissed in pain as it bit viciously into his palm, but continued squeezing the fragment, feeling it begin to creak with the pressure of his grip. Atsushi reacted almost instantly, dropping the pieces he had collected, and swatting at Toriya’s hand.
Toriya relaxed his hand to an open palm, only due to the fact that Atsushi hitting his hand had startled him out of his rage, not the strength of the hit itself. Atsushi was nowhere near as strong as he was. He looked over at Atsushi, his eyes glazed as his friend began to inspect the wound, tossing the bloody shard to the pile on the floor. His old friend was a godsend at moments like this, where he was just so unhappy.
He was only twenty-one, for god sakes. Shouldn’t he have a nice wife, and be planning for 2.3 kids in the future by now? Instead, he ruled over the world with an iron fist, nothing like he used to be. When he had first gained ‘control’ of the world, he had only been running all of the big name companies. He had donated money to churches, schools, everything… He used to have friends, and Rin. Oh gods, he used to have Rin to spend time with, because Rin was never too busy to pay attention to him; he did his work WITH him, willing to put it aside and just TALK if they wanted to…
Atsushi-san was nice, but he was not Rin. Atsushi-san would not go out into the city for some hot chocolate with him. Atsushi-san would not involve himself in big philosophical discussions…
But he could not have Rin. Because Rin hated him, and everything he stood for, and it was no wonder, because he was a monster, and had hurt Rin too much…
He wrapped his arms around himself, not caring that his blood was smearing onto his white shirt. He just didn’t care anymore, when suddenly arms wrapped around him, pulling him into a comforting embrace. He tilted his head up the best he could, looking at Atsushi-san with a look of confusion. “Atsushi-san…?”
“I may not be who you want… or even who you need, Toriya. But I will always be here for you. Regardless of what you do, regardless of who knows the real you… I will help you the best I can.”
The unforgiving tidal wave of guilt slammed against Toriya once more. Here he was: being selfish, hurting Atsushi-san once more. Maybe he didn’t care about himself, but Atsushi-san cared about him. “I know… I’m so horrible. I don’t even give you credit…” He wrapped his arms around his friend, holding one hand out a distance. He didn’t want to get any blood on Atsushi-san’s lab coat. It wouldn’t get on his clothes, but still… people would wonder where the blood came from… He shut his eyes, remembering all the times Atsushi-san had held him like this, had to comfort him like this… Had it really happened all that often when he was younger? Or was it merely a product of recent times?
“Would you like me to get you something to eat? Maybe something to drink, Toriya?” Toriya’s eyes opened half way, staring past Atsushi’s arm to his office.
“… only if we can go out for it.” He hated being stuck inside, especially here. The office that held too many memories to count, too much pain. And on a less important note… or possibly more important, like his stomach claimed… the food in the compound was seven levels of unpalatable. He yearned for pizza and hamburgers and french-fries, but was always offered things like caviar and veal chops. Ugh.
There was a reassuring smile in Atsushi’s voice, “Yes, Toriya. We can go out for it.” A comforting squeeze, and then his longtime friend pulled them both to their feet. Nice to have a taller guy around, Toriya mused. Even if he wasn’t Rin…
Um, yeah, so it gives an insight to poor Toriya's bad mental health for a while there o.o; And I'd like to warn people, his strange behavior is brought about by the medication he was on. ._.; It makes him have strange mood swings and violent behavior... Ano... He's okay now, cause he was taken off it when the conversion into Hikaru was complete, but... ah well, just read, okay? :D Please? I'll give you a cookie~
The rain beat against the window pane, mercilessly blocking the view of the outside surroundings. It allied with fog and generally nasty winds making the day just all around miserable. The sunlight could barely be seen; not that one could tell it was daytime without relying upon a clock.
It was raining again, and Toriya hated it. He preferred sunny days, with a nice breeze. One where he could sit on the windowsill and think, or sleep, or work… or just be. Instead, the nasty weather had darkened his mood to the point where he didn’t want to think, or sleep, or work, or even be.
Because rainy days made him think of what he had lost: Rin. It had rained when Rin had left the compound. It had rained the night before he met Rin. Of course, it had been a bright sunny day with a breeze the day he had actually met Rin, but he had remembered feeling a strange, almost-foreboding feeling the day it rained before Rin’s arrival.
In any case, rainy days made him angry. Made him mopey, and just generally anti-social… again, something Rin was quite often --at least recently. Glaring at nothing in particular, he grabbed the closest thing and threw it, to release steam.
His coffee mug slammed against the door frame, shattering. He smiled, but it held anger and malice in it. Damn his strength. It was this strength that had hurt Rin so badly that one time. It was this strength that had caused harm to the one he loved more than anyone.
A curious head poked itself around the door as it opened, hesitance radiating in waves from the person entering. “Toriya?! Are you okay? I… heard a loud noise…” Toriya blinked and looked at the visitor.
“Ah, Atsushi-san… no. I..” He directed his attention to the shattered remnants of his coffee mug about the same time that Atsushi did. “I got mad, s’all..” He could feel embarrassment well up in him. He never liked worrying Atsushi-san, because he was the only one who cared about him now, and he didn’t want to drive Atsushi-san away, like he had driven everyone else away…
Atsushi looked up at him, and then sighed deeply, kneeling down to begin picking up the shattered pieces. Toriya, in turn, frowned, and walked over to his long-time friend, kneeling next to him. “I’m sorry, Atsushi-san. I don’t mean to worry you…”
Atsushi sighed again, and stopped picking up the pieces. He looked at his younger friend, and gave him a small smile. “I know, Toriya. There are a lot of things happening with you that you cannot control. I understand…”
Toriya narrowed his eyes, looking down at the pieces left on the floor, feeling the insane urge to kick the door frame just to see how big a dent he could make. How the HELL could Atsushi-san understand anything? He had none of Toriya’s pain. He knew nothing! Seething, Toriya reached down and picked a fragment up, closing his fist around it. He hissed in pain as it bit viciously into his palm, but continued squeezing the fragment, feeling it begin to creak with the pressure of his grip. Atsushi reacted almost instantly, dropping the pieces he had collected, and swatting at Toriya’s hand.
Toriya relaxed his hand to an open palm, only due to the fact that Atsushi hitting his hand had startled him out of his rage, not the strength of the hit itself. Atsushi was nowhere near as strong as he was. He looked over at Atsushi, his eyes glazed as his friend began to inspect the wound, tossing the bloody shard to the pile on the floor. His old friend was a godsend at moments like this, where he was just so unhappy.
He was only twenty-one, for god sakes. Shouldn’t he have a nice wife, and be planning for 2.3 kids in the future by now? Instead, he ruled over the world with an iron fist, nothing like he used to be. When he had first gained ‘control’ of the world, he had only been running all of the big name companies. He had donated money to churches, schools, everything… He used to have friends, and Rin. Oh gods, he used to have Rin to spend time with, because Rin was never too busy to pay attention to him; he did his work WITH him, willing to put it aside and just TALK if they wanted to…
Atsushi-san was nice, but he was not Rin. Atsushi-san would not go out into the city for some hot chocolate with him. Atsushi-san would not involve himself in big philosophical discussions…
But he could not have Rin. Because Rin hated him, and everything he stood for, and it was no wonder, because he was a monster, and had hurt Rin too much…
He wrapped his arms around himself, not caring that his blood was smearing onto his white shirt. He just didn’t care anymore, when suddenly arms wrapped around him, pulling him into a comforting embrace. He tilted his head up the best he could, looking at Atsushi-san with a look of confusion. “Atsushi-san…?”
“I may not be who you want… or even who you need, Toriya. But I will always be here for you. Regardless of what you do, regardless of who knows the real you… I will help you the best I can.”
The unforgiving tidal wave of guilt slammed against Toriya once more. Here he was: being selfish, hurting Atsushi-san once more. Maybe he didn’t care about himself, but Atsushi-san cared about him. “I know… I’m so horrible. I don’t even give you credit…” He wrapped his arms around his friend, holding one hand out a distance. He didn’t want to get any blood on Atsushi-san’s lab coat. It wouldn’t get on his clothes, but still… people would wonder where the blood came from… He shut his eyes, remembering all the times Atsushi-san had held him like this, had to comfort him like this… Had it really happened all that often when he was younger? Or was it merely a product of recent times?
“Would you like me to get you something to eat? Maybe something to drink, Toriya?” Toriya’s eyes opened half way, staring past Atsushi’s arm to his office.
“… only if we can go out for it.” He hated being stuck inside, especially here. The office that held too many memories to count, too much pain. And on a less important note… or possibly more important, like his stomach claimed… the food in the compound was seven levels of unpalatable. He yearned for pizza and hamburgers and french-fries, but was always offered things like caviar and veal chops. Ugh.
There was a reassuring smile in Atsushi’s voice, “Yes, Toriya. We can go out for it.” A comforting squeeze, and then his longtime friend pulled them both to their feet. Nice to have a taller guy around, Toriya mused. Even if he wasn’t Rin…
